


Not Our Paradise

by musikfurfreiheit



Category: Tarja, Within Temptation (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 17:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4969468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musikfurfreiheit/pseuds/musikfurfreiheit





	Not Our Paradise

** Not Our Paradise **

****

I don’t know how we got ourselves in this mess.

The whole world is watching us, they see everything we do, and yet we managed to get here. The hotel room is as impersonal as it can get, the only thing that will be left of us will be the memory of this night.

I know it’s wrong what we’re doing, but all of my guild disappears when I look at the sleeping body next to me. Her long dark hair covers half her face, but I can still see how beautiful it is, how beautiful _she_ is. The sheets only cover her body to her hips, leaving her waist bare for my eyes to admire. My look dances over the skin of the arm that rested on my waist when I woke up, over her shoulder up to her sweet neck and those lips that tasted like the fruity drank she’d been drinking all day.

I softly blow a little wind in her face, not to wake her but to see the cute movements her nose makes when I do it. She stirs, moves her arm and reveals her necklace. Then reality hits me again.

The name on the necklace isn’t mine, it’s the name of her daughter, a very sweet girl who I love almost as much as my own. She has her daughter, I have mine. We don’t share anything but the memories of secret meetings, the passionate kisses, the sweet touches, but most of all the painful goodbyes. We shouldn’t even share those, we know better, but it’s just who we are.

We tried staying away when we were in the same place, we tried not seeing each other to protect

the people we love. Turned out we just love each other more than them.

Everything we do has to be secret, no one can know about it but the hotel rooms that were silent witnesses of our love. It’s not a paradise love, but it is all we can get if we want each other.

I look at the window behind her, at the peaceful world where the sky is red from the still rising sun. A world where everyone still thinks we’re innocent people, and they’ll believe it as long as we play those roles. A world I don’t want to return to, not yet, but I have no other choice. I’m like a vampire that has to be in its coffin before the sun rises, except I just have to be in my own room.

The cold cuts through my skin as I sway my bare legs over the edge of the bed, sending a shiver up my spine. I tiptoe through the room as I try to figure out which clothes are mine and which are hers, not making a single sound. With my shoes in my hand I walk to the door, but look back at the sleeping figure in the bed and realize I can’t just leave her. I go back, kneel next to her face and set my shoes down beside me.

The skin of my finger barely touches her face when I stroke the strand of dark hair behind her ear and lightly kiss her lips while caressing her soft cheek with my thumb. She slowly opens her green eyes and it strikes me again how beautiful they are. She lightly smiles when she sees me, and then closes her eyes again.

‘Sharoooooon, why are you already dressed?’ Her voice is husky which makes her even cuter and all of this even harder and more painful.

‘I’m sorry, Tarja.’ I whisper back as I still caress her cheek with my thumb.

She looks at me again, and she knows what time it is. Her eyes beg me to stay, even though she knows there’s no way I can do that. I have to go, not because I want, but because I want to stay. _This_ is what I want, _this_ is what I’m willing to fight for, but it’s not paradise, it’s not enough. I have to go.

I kiss her one last time, but her hand grabs my shoulder, holding me in place while she pushes her lips hard against mine, stretching the moment  before she pushes me away. I see her turning her back to me when I open my eyes again, but I know she’s not mad at me. This is just her way of dealing with this mess that’s everything but a paradise.

I grab my shoes as I rise and leave the room without looking back at her. The silence in the hallway almost scares me and makes me want to run back inside to go hiding in her arms, but I walk away from the room. With every step I make I get closer to being Within Temptation’s singer, and further away from her.

There’s just no paradise for us.


End file.
